Trifecta 80 – The Hermit

hermit-7

Ok son you gots 10 minutes. Ain’t spending all day talking to you. Me and the bats got better things to do with our time. Now what is you want? Hurry up son. Hurry up….

….wait, wait! I can stop you there Mister. You wanna know why I live out here? On me own. In a cave. Yeh, yeh I’m the local freak. The hippie who lives with the bats and the bears. What’s yer point son? Ask me summink original if you can…!

Snap to it lad! Cat got yer tongue? Come all the way up here and yer staring at me like I got three heads and five legs. Ah hah. You think I’m a freak too? Ach, past being bothered what anybody thinks. Specially the likes o’ you with yer agendas and focus groupies.

You write what you like son. Sures you were gonna anyway. Away! Scram! Leave me alone. Go ahead. Call me a freak all you want. All them down there can say it too. I ain’t carin none. Wars I fought so you lot could have yer video games, textphones and cable TV. Folks I killed so you could point and laugh at the likes o’ me. Think on that for a minute why don’t you!

Now come on, times up. Get goin’. Oh and son…son! In yer paper, or whatever it is you do, you call me what you like. Have a big laugh. Just don’t call me a coward lad. Don’t you say I ain’t a patriot. Don’t you dare.

(Picture courtesy of http://englishrussia.com/2011/01/07/romance-of-the-hermits-life/)

This 258 word one sided conversation is my entry into the Trifecta Week 80 writing challenge. Apologies in advance to anyone who thinks it’s complete nonsense. Thought it was time to step out of my comfort zone and try something new. Thinking of the word “Freak” brought this character into my brain. I hope some of you might like it!

trifecta

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20 thoughts on “Trifecta 80 – The Hermit

  1. trifectawriting

    I like that you took a risk with your writing and tried something new. This reminded me of a documentary I watched last year. I think it was called Off the Grid or something? This guy was in the movie, I swear. Thanks for linking up.

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      I like that you like I took a risk. Did have a story in mind but I didn’t feel it sat well with the prompt so I’ve kept it for another day. Basically this one sided rant came to me as I was driving home from work. Debated whether I should post it but decided I would. Hope people see it for what it is i.e. a creative fiction novice trying something different!

      Reply
  2. Jennifer

    I didn’t think it was complete nonsense at all. I think it would be pretty hard to keep the voice as consistent as you did through the whole piece, and you did it really well. I liked it.

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Kind words Jennifer. Yes it’s a bit rough and ready but I’m glad I posted it. At this stage in my creative writing development it’s good to try a range of styles and genres. Who knows what I’ll come up with next! Thanks for commenting.

      Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Thanks Joe. Yes, the picture is an absolute stunner. Really lucky to find it. I can easily imagine that being the face of my hermit. One good thing about the Trifecta is you have the option to add your own photo to back up the words. I love the combination between a good story and a good image. Anything which gives an extra layer to the story is always a good thing.

      Reply
  3. Christine

    What a great character. I really, really liked the last paragraph, especially this: “Just don’t call me a coward lad. Don’t you say I ain’t a patriot. Don’t you dare.” It brought the whole thing together for me, and really solidified the voice.

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Thanks a lot Christine for the excellent comment. The ending was really just allowing our hermit to remind people that despite what they may view him as now he is still at heart a patriotic man who served his country with pride. He may have opted out of society now but he was there when called upon. Happy that a few people have liked this. Really worried I had made a mistake but this feedback will definitely encourage me to experiment again in the future!

      Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Cheers Ann. I’ve probably divided opinions with this piece. However, I’m pleased with the comments received. Thanks for reading.

      Reply

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