Trifecta 103 – Bloodline

dystopiaMy mother was important. We knew that even as children – although we didn’t understand why. Each morning a silver car would come to collect her from our house in the hills overlooking the smog strangled city. Outside, the street would be deserted. Two other cars – black – parked a respectful, but appropriate distance away. Nobody else was allowed on the street when mother was leaving for work.

My sister and I would be waiting for her to leave. Always the same sterile, crisp, blue trouser suit, the flat shoes, the black briefcase bearing the party emblem. A kiss for the children. A cold nod towards our father.

“Remember who you are children. Remember who we are,” she would tell us.

Who were we?

All I knew was that the four of us lived in sprawling mansion filled with servants and snivelling nameless officials. While most of the city was overrun with poverty and resentment, ours was a life of obscene luxury. However, we didn’t complain. You don’t when you’re a child.

As we grew older we began to understand more about who we were; who our mother was.

***

Mother and I slowly grew apart. This was dangerous, but I survived. Her conceited grand plan and their utopian ideals eventually failed miserably. People starved. With what strength they had left they fought back.

They won.

As the city burned, party flags lay smouldering in the gutters; their headquarters were ransacked – people swarmed like ants over corridors and offices once only visited in handcuffed terror.

As we entered the last room on the third floor my second handed me the loaded pistol. The woman in the chair had her back to us. Even so she appeared unnerved and impassive, despite the chaos all around. Her perfect society in ruins; her family scattered.

“Is that you son?”

“Yes mother.”

“Do you remember who we were?”

“Yes I do mother.”

As the bullet echoed around the room a new leader was crowned.

trifecta

These 333 words, based on the third definition of the word ‘remember’ , form my entry into the Trifecta 103 writing challenge. The picture is courtesy of Open Road Integrated Media

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14 thoughts on “Trifecta 103 – Bloodline

  1. Jo-Anne Teal (@jtvancouver)

    Goodness. That was an epic story that I wouldn’t have expected in 333 words! I liked the contrast of the beginning and the end. I think you’ve got it right when the character thinks that children don’t question. They know something is up but they are either afraid of the answer they might receive or they don’t know how to word their question.

    Really interesting take on the prompt, Paul. A well thought out and intriguing tale. :))

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Glad you liked it Jo-Anne. At the moment these 333 words are only the formative steps into this story. The idea of a mother/son relationship in a dystopian setting is something which intrigues me. Something I plan on exploring.

      Reply
  2. Annabelle

    I like the way you started this — the incomprehensibility to children of the things the mother wants to pass along, the little things they may see and not understand. Nicely done.

    Reply
  3. KymmInBarcelona

    Matricide and magnicide in one fell swoop!
    As they say in Spain: Cría cuervos y te sacarán los ojos. (Raise ravens and they’ll peck your eyes out.)
    The again, where I come from we say You reap what you sow.
    Great story, Paul!

    Reply
  4. seablackwithink

    I’m happy I took time to read the comments…my first question was – is this an excerpt?-
    Now that I know it is not, I believe their is even more potential to this story..
    I was a child who thrived on questions and experimentation …..in this society I may have had an early end/:)
    Hoping you keep chipping away at this on,

    Reply

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