Friday Fictioneers – A Local Dispute

ff150114As a watery dawn sun began to fill the heavens, church bells peeled triumphantly from both east and west. Betwixt the celebrating factions the Cassitara rippled and bubbled innocently on her way; nearby treetops once more echoing with the sound of bird song.

On the shallow river’s mud strewn banks, confused, panicked footprints abound; empty, spent cartridges and discarded rifles glistened with drops of blood speckled dew. In mid-stream a watchful lone hawk pecked lustily at the weeping, shattered eye socket of a young soldier.

Next year they would all be back. Once more to fight for the right to control the Crossing.


These words form my entry into this week’s Friday Fictioneers photo prompt challenge. 

20 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – A Local Dispute

  1. Lindaura Glamoura

    Ah, the futility of war. I can’t believe we still sort problems out by ripping bodies apart with bullets. War is so stupid, we would all laugh at the concept if the arms makers weren’t already laughing their way to the Cayman Islands.

  2. firnhyde

    An adept shift in tone from idyllic to brutal from the first paragraph to the second. You’ve compacted your story very well to give you so much space for description whilst still using an effective plot. It started a little slow for me in the highly descriptive first paragraph, but that sharp shift in tone was very effective and probably justified the slow first para. Nice!

    1. paulmclem Post author

      Appreciate you taking the time to post such a thoughtful response. The idea behind the piece was to contrast the joys of the first paragraph with the despair of the second. Sometimes it’s nice to slow the pace down at the beginning and let people settle into a false sense of security. However, I also agree you have to be wary of losing readers, even in only 100 words. Cheers!

      1. firnhyde

        I agree, Paul! I definitely think the slow beginning was justified by the contrast. It was a risky thing to do, but in this case, I think it paid off. As one writer said – “They’re not rules. They’re price tags.” Breaking this rule (or paying this price tag) was worth it!

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