Friday Fictioneers – Perks of the Job

ff230414Outside in the cool, midnight breeze two pairs of eyes watched for a signal; closer to the door, a third pair listened.

It wasn’t yet time.

As the last chord was strummed, the final lyric floated off into the weed-filled air, the audience applauded as one.

The eyes now made their move.

There was no panic amongst the club regulars – there never was.

Hey man, shit happened.

For all that they were a pain in the ass, it had to be conceded that Sheriff Menzies’ boys were without doubt the most considerate drug cops in the Valley: never began a raid during a song – genuinely respectful music lovers to a man.

friday-fictioneers

These words form my entry into this week’s Friday Fictioneers photo prompt challenge.

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20 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Perks of the Job

  1. claire Fuller

    Ah, that’s a real movie moment – the cops waiting until the end of the song – loved it. One tiny niggle though: ‘closer to the door, a third pair listened’ – these are eyes you’re talking about, so I’m not sure they can listen…

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Cheers, Claire. Yeh, eyes that listen – swithered over that but ultimately decided to leave it in. My thinking was that a ‘pair of eyes’ was really just an arty farty way to describe a person, and of course a person can listen. There ends the case for the defence 🙂

      Reply
  2. sustainabilitea

    Nicely done twist at the end. I think the third pair listening has to go. The eyes have it. :-). If you said “a pair of ears listened”, you only need to omit one word to keep your word count.

    janet

    Reply
  3. rochellewisoff

    Dear Paul,

    If I may, as you’ve already conceded, be part of the “baying mob”. Listening eyes sort of took me out. Aside from that a good story as always.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Reply
  4. Lyssa Medana

    What a brilliant story! I loved the construction, gently leading you down and only hinting at the really cause of the raid with a throw-away adjective.

    I’m in contact because you have previously posted on Trifecta. I really miss Trifecta, and after talking things over with Thomas Marlowe we decided to try and do something similar, Light and Shade Challenge http://lightandshadechallenge.blogspot.co.uk/ It would be great if you felt you could come over and have a look and maybe jump in, we would both be really glad to see you. Please get in touch if you have any ideas or comments. LM x

    Reply

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