Friday Fictioneers – One Night in Bangkok

hollywood-crowdThe waking sun crept its way across the crumpled bedclothes. On the floor, my suit lay in a guilty heap. Fleeting personal remorse was easily brushed aside – I’d known what I was doing; I knew what I would find – it didn’t stop me.

From the bathroom I could hear her singing: the broken English, the broken voice, the playful pretence of innocence.

‘Morning, lover’ she said, on returning to the bedroom. ‘I see you at bar tonight?’

She looked painfully beautiful. I nodded and smiled.

As she left, she turned and blew a kiss across the room.

On the table, my pager began to buzz.

friday-fictioneers

These words form my entry into this week’s Friday Fictioneers photo prompt challenge.

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33 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – One Night in Bangkok

  1. Claire Fuller

    I guess you mean by ‘broken voice’ that she was a he? If I’m right, I didn’t get it on the first read, but I don’t think you should change it. Nicely subtle. And I love the suit lying in a guilty heap.

    Reply
  2. sustainabilitea

    I have to chime in with kudos for the guilty suit. Not sure if Claire’s right (and I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t mentioned it), but it works just fine as is, either way.

    janet

    Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Cheers, Janet. I didn’t want to make it too obvious she was a he i.e. mention she/he had a **** or anything so crude. Hoped there was just enough in there to provide a hint.

      Reply
    1. paulmclem Post author

      Cheers, Louise. Think some of my stories lately have been too “obvious”/”in yer face”. Wanted something more subtle today. In fact I may well go much more “off piste” in the coming weeks. You are all forewarned 🙂

      Reply
  3. Suzanne Joshi

    Paul, I didn’t get it at first either until I read the comments. By the “broken voice” I would guess this is a very young man, even a teenager whose voice is changing. That would be even more of a reason for not wanting people to know where he’d been. Well written. — Susan

    Reply
  4. aliciajamtaas

    I’m on board with the guilty heap. Wouldn’t have gotten the broken voice without the comments, but sometimes I’m a real dolt. I say go off piste and see where it takes you AND us.

    Reply
  5. storydivamg

    There is so much right with your story this week, Paul. The title gives the story context. I absolutely adore “guilty heap” as well as the brokenness in the woman’s voice. Jam packed with excellence! Great work! So far, this wins my nomination for “flash of the week.”

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Reply
  6. Margaret

    You’ve built this man’s character and emotions really cleverly. He’s got the guilt, but he’s also got some effective strategies for distancing himself from it. It’s not even guilt, just ‘fleeting personal remorse’. Fascinating. I’d be worried about a person who could do this so well – what other guilty secrets might he be capable of closeting away?

    Reply

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